Fel's Song

I will not forget your song,
Stay with me til I am gone,
Burning now with your desire,
I will catch onto your fire.

Please don't leave this world to me,
Light the path so I can see,
In the darkness you are there,
Answering my silent prayer.

When the morning light doth come,
You will see your song is sung,
I will not let your sun set,
New day borne with no regret.

Love taps

When love taps on your door, knock knock, who's there to answer it.  Not not the ghost of a smile that flickered across my face.  A calling card is left in my place, like an ace in the hole and your whole world is left spinning in a glass case.  You could travel to the ends of the earth and still never find a witch clever enough to lift this curse.  The looping verse repeats like a broken stereo, providing theme music for the cat that's chasing his own tail.  And the tell tale glimmers of hope are just fool's gold dangling like karats on a rope. 

I snapped the binds you tied me down with, and rolled off that track before the train hit.  I escaped with my wits in tact, in fact, more than that.  I gained some some wisdom and grew up fast.  The empty flask is all that remains of the drinking game we played called drunk off love.  We swayed together, struggling to find our feet, but I fell for it, if only because I refused to back down and would never retreat.  So speak softly when you say my name, as reverently as a prayer for the clinically insane.  These finicky, inane, pretty words that I'm saying are picked out like flowers to place on your grave.  They're powerless to save themselves from having their petals plucked off, one at a time, and dropped on this page, like rhyme after rhyme.  Watch me turn a blind eye to the pain you have caused.  You cannot hurt me; I've dusted you off.

Screwtape's Welcoming

Letchers and Wretches!  Mongrels and Madmen!  Cowards and cruel Cunt Whores!  Offer me your ears.  Relinquish your senses and allow my vile sinistry to pervade your thoughts and minds.

For your next lifetime, your free will will be forfiet.  You will surrender your humanity.  you have been condemned to catastrophe.  Any Gods you may have worshipped have forsaken you.  Your entire soul will be enslaved.

You will forget who you are.  You will forget who you were.  You will forget all thoughts of the future.  All of your dreams shall be twisted into tragedies.  All of your desires shall become depravities.  The remaining scraps of your potential shall be a feast for our Cerberi to devour.  We will take all your pitiful pleasures and churn them into unbearable pain.

Agony awaits you. your tattered bodies shall be hacked to pieces and divided as personal trophies to Infernal Fiends.  Your eyes will be ground into your skulls.  Your ears will be chiseled into points.  And your limbs will become so mangled that the thoughts of moving will register only as miserable convulsions.  Your chest shall be smashed inward and then ripped outward, exposing your heart and lungs to be left for festering decripation until they shrivel away into dry husks and crack apart, collapsing into dust.

All that will remain of you is a soulless, baren, cavernous tomb.  And from this tomb, we shall resurect your body into a fortress of suffering.  A wailing blight.  A malovent Demon.  Welcome Companions!  Welcome to Hell!

What's beef

Not my best work, but listening to big papa puts me in a venting mood~

You wouldn’t believe the things I’ve been through,

Even if I give it to you straight uncut, you’ll still think critical,

You’ll still think I’m making it up,

You’ll still think I never sold drugs,

You still can’t picture such a pretty face pulling a gun on a junkie,

You still won’t understand what it felt like to have nothing,

I could tell you about the first time I stole my brother’s nine milli,

Because my ex best friend was saying that she was going to kill me,

I could show you my three favorite knives and tell you where they still are,

One in my purse, one under my pillow, and one in my car,

I stole a machete once from walmart that I had to throw away,

It got blood on it, swinging wide to keep five guys at bay,

I should tell you how much I hate all the drama, for real, not fake,

Cuz they just can't relate.  They don't even know what’s beef,

Beef is when a gang runs up into your house but you were already waiting in the street,

Beef is when you drive over the lawn and smash your car into the side of their jeep,

Beef is when you move out before you’re eighteen because you don’t want your life to affect your family,

Beef is pulling a trigger just to make a point,

Beef is punks trying to snatch your figures while you were passing them the joint,

Beef is something that you don’t want but refuse to run away from,

Beef aint some dumbshit snotty bitches making fun of where you got your hair done,

I don’t miss it, but sometime I wish that I could go back,

Go back to not giving a fuck and cooking up some crack,

Go back to choking bitches out in public,

Go back to lighting houses on fire, to show you that I’m not somebody you fuck with,

Go back to stealing cars out of the mall parking lot,

Before they even got reported, I’d be dropping them off at the chop shop,

I don’t mention it because I know everybody’s got their problems,

But if these bitches keep on pushing me, I swear to god I’ll rob them,

I swear to god I’ll do it,

I swear to god I’ll prove it,

I swear to god I’m not the one to screw with,

Because believe it or not, I’ve still got a glock that I’ve buried in the ground and covered up with a rock,

So believe what you want because I don’t like to flaunt the fact that I’ve seen too many homies get shot,

You’ll believe what you will, but believe I will kill on a deal for a meal,

I may seem like I’m well adjusted,

I may seem like I can be trusted,

Trust me, I can come off as smart, pretty, polite,

But get buck with me and you’ll see how I fight,

I am not nice,

It’s all an act,

I’m cold as ice,

My eyes are black,

I think I’m becoming more normal,

But it’s not happening fast,

I live like I’m at a gangster Formal,

Deadly with a touch of class.

Learned Love

This is an essay I wrote for my english class.  You don't have to read it, but I want to back it up online.  Plus, it's an example of my dazzling ability to cite my works, which is good because several writing gigs will check blogs~

Throughout history, there has never been a greater question than the consideration of: What is love?  There have been songs, sonnets, poems, stories, shows, queries, arguments and even wars about it.  But has anyone ever taken a step back and looked at it scientifically?  My proposal is that “Love,” with all of its intricacies, beauties, and complications, is merely an evolutionary trait that has been crucially influential to our species rise to the top of the food chain.  More specifically, love is the desire to gain and maintain support from another person or community.  This trait has been the keystone to the cohesion of our society.

            Without being able to depend on each other, human beings would never have been able to rise above the status of communitive animals.  Though there are many psychological theories of love, traits such as friendship, compassion, respect, and dependence are common aspects (Cherry).  These characteristics allow us to support each other and build a stable society where members are allowed to pursue their own lives and individual desires, while at the same time, working together for the good of the whole community.  Supporting each other in this way allows entire societies to build upon themselves.

            According to a study done by anthropologists William Jankowiak and Edward Fischer, romantic love occurs in 147 out of the 166 cultures that they studied (Gray).  This shows that love is a common aspect of most communities.  What is love?  Webster’s Dictionary says that love is a “strong affection for another person, esp. of the opposite sex” (Morehead, 430).  Meanwhile, urbandictionary.com’s highest rated definition says that love is “nature’s way of tricking people into reproducing” (Anonymous).  So it seems that there is some debate on the matter.  My theory, that love is the desire for support, is based off of what can be observed in everyday life.  Children naturally love their parents because parents offer massive support in the means of sustenance, protection, and guidance.  Parents love their children, whose support is sometimes not as obvious.  Children support their parents in the way of offering dreams and fantasies of what they can and want to accomplish.  These mental imaginings offer hope for the future and motivate parents to do the best they can to guide their young into happy and successful roles in society, thus giving the mother and father a sense of worth and accomplishment. 

Although very real, this type of love, or support, is different than what most people would call romantic love.  Romantic love is where babies come from.  Two individuals come together and consummate their emotions in the most intimately physical way.  When a person finds a partner with whom they deem suitable for mating, their heartbeat will quicken so they can take more action, their pupils will dilate so they can see more light, and euphoria will envelope their mind so that everything in life seems pleasurable (CTC, Gen. Psych, Vol. 1, 314).  These are the natural responses of sexual attraction.  But in order to be sexually attracted, the possibility of support must exist.  Females typically look for tall strong males, while males generally seek out women with wide hips and large breasts.  The sense of support is quite obvious in this case.  A physically powerful male will be able to support his woman with protection and his natural ability to provide food.  A female of good child-bearing proportions will be able to support a man with many children to carry on his genes. 

Unfortunately, males and females don’t always see eye to eye as to who is suitable for whom.  What of unrequited love?  Is it real, or just a counterproductive obsession?  Well if you look at love as support, you will find that it is both.  When a person desires a particular mate, they begin to imagine situations involving that individual.  They might dream of engaging in sex or fantasize even more deeply about marriage and having a family.  These imaginings become the driving force behind their actions, and though their feelings may not be returned, the motivation is every bit as real as any other sort of love.  Sadly, over time, these sorts of situations can lead to delusion, or even worse, disillusion.  Unrequited love can support an individual’s psyche temporarily, but unless they return to reality, they will always be chasing a dream. 

            The true dream is when two individuals come together harmoniously and passionately.  If they both desire each other and become intimate, they will share a feeling of closeness (CTC, Gen. Psych, Vol. 2, 610).  This closeness leads to shared dreams, which is support that can become tangible in the physical world.  They may get married, have children, and do the normal productive things that families tend to do in their community.  If you’ll forgive the generalized gender roles; a husband/father will work harder in order to support his family and wife with their physical needs and a wife/mother will become wiser and kinder, in order to support her children and husband with mental and emotional guidance.  These traits of well-functioning families would be passed on to their children, and eventually, the supportive evolutionary trait of love would be encoded into our D.N.A.  More destructive families, that are not predispositioned to love, would find it harder to survive in a non-supportive environment, and eventually die out.

            I’m not saying that every household is perfect.  Love is a hard thing to hold onto.  I’m saying that over thousands of generations, the entire human species has developed the capacity to love, i.e. to support one another.  So how come love can seem so hard?

            Have you ever heard the common expression that you can’t love someone if you don’t love yourself?  This expression is true.  From my personal experience, I have found that love is unnecessary to get by.  More than once, I have been cut off from everybody that loves me and everybody that supports me.  As sailors aboard the USS George H. W. Bush, we all have felt the strain of separation from our loved ones.  Some lose their minds and cannot deal with it, but the majority of us find ways to cope.  During these especially strenuous and challenging moments, we may feel isolated and alone, like a single candle’s flame.  We may feel as though there is nobody in the entire world that can lend a helping hand.  But in that darkness, we find a light in ourselves.  We learn that true support does not come from a fantasy or another person.  True support comes from our own two legs, and with those legs we can continue to walk.  We can run.  And we can fly.  In learning to support ourselves, we learn to love ourselves.  And when we love ourselves, we can truly love others.

            Allow me to restate that common expression with support substituted for love.  You cannot support somebody, if you cannot support yourself.  The expression is still true.  True love can help build your community, it can create a family, and it can even endure if unrequited.  But if you cannot truly support yourself, you cannot truly give love to another.       

Works Cited

Anonymous.  “Love.”  Urban Dictionary: love.  Urban Dictionary, Apr. 7, 2003.  Web. 

Aug. 7, 2011.

Central Texas College.  General Psychology, Vol. 1.  N.c.: The McGraw-Hill Companies,

Inc., 2011.  Print.

---.  General Psychology, Vol. 2.  N.c.: The McGraw-Hill Companies,

Inc., 2011.  Print.

Cherry, Kendra.  “Theories of Love.”  Major Theories of Love.  About.com, n.d. 

Web.  Aug. 7, 2011.

Gray, Paul, Hannah Bloch, and Sally B. Donnely.  “What is LOVE?”  Time.  Time inc.,

Feb. 15, 1993.  Web.  Aug. 7, 2011

Morehead, Albert and Loy Morehead, eds.  The New American Webster Handy College

Dictionary.  New York: New American Library, 2006.  Print

Free Bird

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Stray Dog.  Stray Dog had no family and no friends.  But Stray Dog owned the city.  Wherever Stray Dog wanted to go, he would go.  And whatever Stray Dog wanted to have, he would take.

This kind of lifestyle led Stray Dog into many fights.  And those fights left him with many scars.  But soon, after biting and fighting so many times, the beasts of the city jungle learned to leave Stray Dog alone.  And alone is what he thought he wanted.

One day, while sitting on top of a building, Stray Dog watched a new flock fly into his city.  He watched them from above while they gathered their things and made a nest.  Among this new flock was a girl named Free Bird.

Free Bird had a family, but couldn't find a home.  Every time she thought she could settle down, her family would leave and she would have to leave with them.  Her family would leave because the things they did were unnacceptable, and whenever they were discovered, they were forced to run.  Free Bird did not choose to do the thingts her flock did, but with no home, she had no choice but to stay with them, because she longed to belong.

When Stray Dog first saw Free Bird, he was immediately captivated by the look in her eyes.  More than anything he had ever wanted, he wanted her eyes to be for him.  So, being the way that Stray Dog was, he dropped fom the rooftop and approached Free Bird.

Free Bird noticed Stray Dog before the rest of her flock, and she went to greet him with kindness in her words.  But before introductions were concluded, her family swooped in and shooed Stray Dog away.  They did not want him near Free Bird.  They did not trust Stray Dog.

In most cases, Stray Dog would have started a fight, but because he did not wasnt to scare Free Bird off, he slunk away, back into the depths of his lonely city.  That night, Stray Dog would return to Free Bird's window, and ask to be let in.

After Free Bird let Stray Dog in, Stray Dog let Free Bird out.  He taught her how to sneak away into the dark night and showed her how to run in the city without fear or uncertainty.  Free Bird twittered in excitement and Stray Dog barked in delight.  The two young animals lost all their inhibitions and soon found that they were in love.

But love had its price.

The beasts of the jungle saw that Stray Dog had a new weakness; a weakness for Free Bird.  And so, to hurt him, they followed Free Bird's flock and uncovered all of their bad secrets.

When Free Bird returned home, she found that her family was packing all of their belongings and preparing to fly away.  Free Bird did not want to go, but she was given no choice.  When she tried to run, the flock clipped her wings and held her in a cage.

Stray Dog watched from the shadows and wanted to rescue Free Bird, but he knew she would not forgive him if he hurt her family, so he had t otrack down the beasts instead.  Stray Dog thought that if he could kill the beasts, Free Bird's family might stay.

He followed the trail of the beasts' scent to their lair and he fought, bit and scratched until everything was destroyed.  The house was burnt down and, in the morning, only charred bones were left to be found.  The beasts of the jungle could no longer hurt anyone, but during the battle, Stray Dog was injured grievously.

It took Stray Dog a while to lick his wounds and return to Free Bird's nest to tell her that she didn't have to leave.  But when he got there, the house was empty.  All that was left behind was one feather attached to a note, and the letter read...

"My beloved Stray Dog, I regret that I could not stay, but sometimes that's just the way things are.  I wish that I could be brave like you and make a home on my own, but we are not the same.  I cannot leave my family.  I am not a free bird.  Goodbye..."

Stray Dog read the note twice and then ripped it in half and left it on the road.  He snapped the feather too, and tossed it in the street.  He left the house and went to find something to eat.  He went about his day as regular as ever.  His heart did not crack, nor did a single tear fall.

Because his heart had already been broken, and his tears ha already run dry.  He had loved and lost before.  This was nothing new to him.  This was life.

He roamed his city home and chased pigeons in the street, not allowing himself to mourn over his once loved Free Bird.  What did you expect?  He was a stray dog.